Life After LAMP Fellowship

Hi Blogger! Long time, No see! I Guess I could not take time out to put some thought here, my apologies!

So today is 6th of April, exactly 48 days ago on 18th of Feb. I joined Data Analytics Dept. of All India Congress Committee. It was a decent opportunity for me me so I decided to go for it after discussing its prspects with my father. It was my first full time job besides LAMP Fellowship. I was nervous, anxious, excited all at once. I still remember how terribly I was shaking while replying to an e-mail when I was confirmed to join as Data Analyst. I was anxious about a job which was gonna pay me decently and I was no more going to be restless about my future and career. It gave me some time to take a knee and calm myself down. And yes deep down I was feeling happy for myself which is not an often phenomenon. I was all the more happy because one of my close friend at LAMP, Nikita, was also selected for same opportunity and we were going to join together.

When fellowship was about to end I was feeling not so good about it; I had come across some of the most wonderful people during the fellowship and I was scared as these friends might not remain in touch with  me once the fellowship ended, so when I got to know that Nikita was also selected for the job I was very happy as she was going to be there and we would see each other even after fellowship by the virtue of the same office.

It has been 48 days since we joined and these 48 days have made me see some harsh realities that I never thought I will accept in life and I am still not sure if I will now. These 48 days have also often questioned my beliefs and values. When I think more of it, I end up believing that there is something wrong with me and many a times I am disappointed in myself. When I joined office I had decided that I would work with full dedication, learn things quick, not give anyone a chance to complain and but most make everyone happy. I did exactly that, but while I was doing all that I was highly misunderstood and came across to people in office as an immature, impulsive and someone without substance. Lately my seniors in office have said a thing or two to me about my behavior and attitude which I could not take well and I still can't, so of late I have become quiet in office and I do not talk much and only go about doing my work. Sometimes seniors point out that I have not been the same old person I was, they ask me, what has happened? I just smile and say nothing. I am now trying to behave as people around me in office wants me to. Often I find myself thinking about this change that I am trying to bring in me, a change that contradicts with some of my beliefs as I think more about it, it disturbs me.

All this while, Nikita is the only one who've always looked out for me as she always knows whenever I am little gloomy and tensed. She advises me about different things and how to deal with situations. We often end up confiding in each other about office environment and people. We try and help each other out as much as we can. Whenever she finishes her work and she helps me in finishing my work. In an office where everyone just wants to finish his work and relax, Nikita and I work as a team and I wish it remains same as long as we work in this office.

So yeah, this is about it. Today I started writing because little more than an hour ago, I got a text from Nikita and she told me that she'd be going to Raipur tomorrow for around 15 days for election related work. So for next 15 days I shall be going to be alone in office and I am not really excited about it. Not that I am scared about the work that I might mess up, I will manage it eventually. I am little sad about the fact that I will now have to sit in that office cubicle alone and almost no one in office to talk to and spend some free time with. But it is fine; I will have to do it and I will.

A.