Dear God

 

Dated: 14.08.2022,

00:29 Hrs.

Dear God,

For the past six months, I have been really ill at ease. I have no control on my thoughts. You already know what has been troubling me, I keep sharing with you almost on a daily basis. But God, you don’t seem to help me either. You see me every day, I talk to you about it. The person I am right now, I do not want to be no more. Why wouldn’t you dawn something on me? God?

The things, I believed, were my strengths, have now become my biggest weaknesses. I have started doubting all the things I felt so strongly about. And to top it all, I am often comparing myself with others. It has only made me feel insecure and vulnerable. I get attached to people first and when they fall out, I can’t accept that people come and go, but life goes on. On the contrary, my life halts and can’t keep pace with the world and people. 

People only see what they want to see. I see a bit too much. I have never known any better or worse. Why am I so afraid of hurting people? Why am I so afraid to hurt what is hurting me incessantly? Why I cannot do anything about it, God? Why I am repeating the same mistakes I made years ago. Why life has again come to a full circle? I am grown up, but I am still hurting and flustered,  why?

God, I have always believed a lot in you. Whatever, I have done in life, achieved in life, lost in life. You have been a witness to all of it. I have cried more than I have laughed with you. But God, just like everyone else, why, of all the people, you have turned your back on me? Have you?  I have always thought that you were looking upon me from above. I have always had a strong faith in you that you will do things right, one day, big time! I have been feeling like being caught in the quick sand for quite some time now, the more I try to escape it, the more it pulls me into it.

Dear God, please put an end to all this running away from myself and everything. Will you, God?....