Life has come to a full circle

I take you back to the time when I was just finished with my board exams, after incessant hard work of about 3 months, I was finally over with my boards, I did well also except for my maths exam in which I could not do what I thought of despite it being my favorite subject. But I was anyway was very relaxed as I  desperately needed a break from studies and wanted to get rid from the routine shit I had been following for months, oblivious of the fact that I still was to appear in IIT entrance exam, an entrance that was going to decide my fate for future. Those days, I would get up 7 o’clock in the morning and go to school, would come home by 3 o’clock. I would relax for 45 mins and then rush straight to the coaching, come home 8 o’clock. I was doing good in my school as the syllabus was not much and it was not tough to understand whatever was being taught, but in my coaching where I was preparing for the JEE entrance exam I was quite average and there was very little chances that I would make it to a prestigious engineering college let alone IITs. This very fact would haunt me every day but I was optimistic about it and was pushing as much as I could.

So when board finished I became lax; and stopped studying for IIT entrance a month ahead. I was so tired that I did not realize that I was ruining my career. When entrance happened I screwed up, it was in Kanpur my father took me there and when I was coming out of exam hall, only thing that was going in my mind was that what’d I say to him when he’d ask how’d it go. I just could not see my father disappointed and I lied; I said to him that I did well. So sometimes I feel that had I continued working hard till entrance I could have done slightly better but then it was only me alone and tired.

IIT result was announced and other engineering entrance exam results were also announced in the same week. I suffered the lowest point of my life, nothing went as planned I failed terribly and with those results I’d never get even an average college. Papa was disappointed he did not say much to me but I could see that he was shattered from within and I could not see him like that I was bad like really bad as nothing seemed ahead. Then papa had a talk with me and we decided that I could drop a year and prepare for IIT and give one more shot the next year, I had to agree with him because I was not in state of choosing for myself, the same evening we went to Resonance coaching centre and got application form, I almost was forced to repeat the year which I never wanted to do, but poor me had no choices. After coming home from the coaching centre, I was sitting in my room alone with the form right in front of my eyes, I was preparing myself for studies and shear hard work I was going to put to crack the bitch. I thought of the concepts of physics, integration, mole concept etc. and the fact I was going to do all that syllabus of two years in just one year. I recalled everything and I could not control myself, tears would pour down my eyes, Mommy saw me crying and she told Papa, Papa himself could not see me like that, he was trying to console me after I said to him that ‘papa I am not sure if I can pull this off this time too, I have been through a lot of mental stress'.

Though I told my father that I am not going to drop but I did not know what I was to do. DU cut off came the same evening, got to say it was one hell of an evening. My board % was 91 so I made it to the two colleges of DU, one of them was MAC, I am currently studying in and other was Zakir Hussain College. It was a silver lining for me and father also thought that DU would be a good choice to go for. So here was I ready to depart for New Delhi for admission in MAC. Getting admitted to MAC was a kicking experience, I got admitted only because of my two Uncles, without them I would have never gotten admission, when I recall that day, I still can feel that rush and how I just managed to submit the admission form. Once I got the fee receipt of 1^st year, my uncle congratulated me and I did not know what to do, I still could not believe that I made it to a decent college and my next four years are going to be here. I took a while to digest that but I did feel like taking a knee.

Now it has been almost 4 years, last few months of college are left and I am back again to the same square that I was at years ago. It’s getting tough each day, this time problems are different, challenges are different but the situation is same and I am fighting it like a warrior till the end hopeful of the inevitable truth of life that after the darkness comes the Sunshine.

A.